Emotions are a core part of the human experience, yet many children grow up without the tools to recognize, express, or regulate them. This emotional gap can lead to frustration, behavioral issues, low self-esteem, and long-term mental health struggles. Renowned child psychologist Caroline Goldsmith believes that the solution lies in one foundational skill: emotional literacy.
According to Goldsmith, emotional literacy—the ability to identify, understand, and express emotions appropriately—is not just “nice to have.” It is essential for mental wellbeing, resilience, empathy, and healthy relationships.
What Is Emotional Literacy?
Emotional literacy is more than teaching children to “be nice” or “calm down.” It includes:
- Recognizing one’s own emotions
- Naming emotions with accuracy
- Understanding what causes them
- Communicating them in safe and respectful ways
- Managing them through healthy coping strategies
Goldsmith often reminds parents and educators:
“Children can’t manage emotions they can’t name. Emotional chaos is often just emotional illiteracy.”
Why Emotional Literacy Is a Life Skill, Not a Phase
When children lack emotional vocabulary, their inner experiences go unspoken and often unresolved. This can lead to:
- Outbursts and tantrums
- Withdrawal or shutdowns
- Anxiety and depression
- Aggression or conflict with peers
- Shame around “big feelings”
But when children learn to understand and talk about their emotions, they’re more likely to:
- Ask for help instead of acting out
- Solve social conflicts peacefully
- Develop compassion and empathy
- Build stronger friendships and self-esteem
- Cope with stress and setbacks more effectively
Caroline Goldsmith’s 5-Step Framework for Teaching Emotional Literacy
Goldsmith has developed a simple, research-based method for building emotional fluency in children, used in clinical settings, schools, and homes.
1. Name It to Tame It
The first step in emotional literacy is giving children a vocabulary to match what they feel. Instead of vague terms like “bad” or “upset,” Goldsmith teaches children to identify:
- Angry, frustrated, irritated
- Sad, lonely, disappointed
- Excited, joyful, proud
- Nervous, overwhelmed, embarrassed
Use feeling charts, flashcards, or “emotion wheels” to help children expand their emotional vocabulary.
“The more words they have,” Goldsmith explains, “the less likely they are to explode or shut down.”
2. Validate Every Emotion (Not Every Behavior)
Children often fear that certain feelings are “wrong” or “too much.” Goldsmith emphasizes that all emotions are valid—but not all behaviors are appropriate.
Say:
- “It’s okay to feel angry. Let’s talk about what happened.”
- “You’re allowed to be disappointed. Want a hug or some quiet time?”
- “You look really sad. Do you want to draw about it or tell me more?”
This builds emotional safety—the foundation for future regulation.
3. Model Emotional Expression Yourself
Goldsmith reminds caregivers: children learn feelings through observation, not instruction. That means:
- Saying “I’m feeling anxious, so I’m taking a deep breath.”
- Letting them see sadness or frustration, and how you cope
- Apologizing when your emotions spill over: “I was overwhelmed—I’m sorry I raised my voice.”
Modeling shows that emotions aren’t something to hide—they’re something to navigate.
4. Use Storytelling and Play to Explore Feelings
Emotions can feel overwhelming or abstract for children. Goldsmith recommends using:
- Storybooks with characters who face emotional challenges
- Dolls, puppets, or animals to act out feelings
- Drawing or art prompts like “What does sadness look like?”
These tools help children process emotions indirectly and safely—especially if they find verbal expression difficult.
5. Teach Regulation Tools, Not Just Labels
Knowing a feeling is just the first step. Goldsmith equips children with simple, effective regulation strategies, such as:
- Breathing exercises or grounding techniques
- Sensory tools (stress balls, cozy corners, noise-reducing headphones)
- “Emotion check-ins” throughout the day
- Journaling or drawing emotions
- Movement and music for emotional release
She teaches that coping is a skill set, not a personality trait.
Creating Emotionally Literate Families and Classrooms
Caroline Goldsmith’s approach doesn’t stop at the child—it transforms the whole environment. She encourages schools and families to normalize emotional check-ins, reflective language, and emotional expression as part of daily routines.
Some examples:
- “What color is your mood today?”
- “Did anything feel tricky or joyful at school today?”
- “When you feel nervous, what helps you feel safe again?”
These micro-moments build emotional fluency over time—and teach children that their inner world matters.
Final Thoughts: Feelings Are Meant to Be Felt, Not Feared
When we teach children that emotions are safe, nameable, and manageable, we give them one of the most powerful tools for life.
Caroline Goldsmith’s work shows that emotionally literate children become emotionally intelligent adults—able to connect, communicate, and thrive through life’s highs and lows. It all begins with one brave, compassionate message:
“Your feelings are welcome here.”
Contact Information:
Caroline’s practice is easily reachable through her website, email, or phone, ensuring clients have multiple ways to Connect and Resources.
