The 20 managers of the Premier League
Oh man, Jurgen Klopp taking on Sean Dyche at halftime in Liverpool’s 1-0 home loss to Burnley brought everyone’s best feeling – childishness.
Football is a lot of things: escape, passion, ecstasy, but above all, watching adult men act like children.
Wait, what was Scott? Oh yeah, we once ranked every manager in the Premier League based on their difficulty level. But that was a long time ago – there was a pandemic and we’ve moved to a new location since – and we need a reminder.
So let’s classify them current 20 Premier League managers by their toughness.
Poor Roy. Reminds you of your nice grandfather. But the grandfathers aren’t tough and would lose every bit they were involved in.
Strength: Deceptive smile
Weakness: Fool the lack of height
Stay away from this man. Or do, you could probably take her.
Strength: If his Lego head were destroyed, he could just replace it with another
Weakness: Lego tariffs increased after Brexit
Being a connoisseur of turtlenecks is not hard. I should know – I have about 12.
Strength: Too crazy for the city of boys
Weakness: Too many boys for a crazy town
Boys will be boys, eh!
Strength: Was probably difficult in his prime
Weakness: It was 100 years ago
Don Carlo would be fine if he had a position of authority with little physical action. It’s hard.
Strength: Teenager heart
Weakness: He’s literally David Moyes
Just because all men want to be with you and all women want to be with you doesn’t mean you’re tough, Dave.
Strength: Impossible for him to be caught by the hair
Weakness: Has a ripe head to slap
Believe me, I’ve tried it out trying not to make a bald joke. Mother Nature will probably bring me back someday, but not today.
Strength: Experiencing the harsh winters of Sweden hardened him
Weakness: The experience of strong winds off Brighton softened it
There is a ceiling on the height of a man called “Graham” can be placed on this list.
Strength: World famous The streets act of homage
Weakness: It’s not the X factor, mate
Scott Parker likes to wear two-tone suits. It won’t fly around those parts.
Strength: The dirtiest fighter in the game
Weakness: We have VAR now
The strongest weak fighter or the weaker strong fighter? Either way, series winner Jose Mourinho will have to settle for 11th place here.
Weakness: Gargantuan lack of agility
Big Brucey baby might fend for himself, but he’s not going to bother the (metaphorically and physical) big boys.
Strength: Picks fights with journalists
Weakness: May not be a Premier League manager any longer
“I want to be in a song, I think I could show these guys a thing or two! … No but seriously, I think it will be difficult and I would do well to get the three points. ”
Strength: Proper Brummie
Weakness: Appropriate Brummie accent
One of my best friends played for Dean Smith. Confirms he’s tough.
Strength: Has detailed reports on all other managers
Weakness: Would be stunned by the time he was done reading
Marcelo Bielsa has previously faced angry fans outside his home while holding a grenade. It’s pretty tough, but what does he know about punches?
Strength: Large bushy beard
Weakness: Easy to grasp
Did you know Nuno was Porto’s secondary goalkeeper when Mourinho was in charge? I bet you’ve never logged into a Wolves game and heard it before!
Strength: Could drink his weight in sauce
Weakness: It would probably compromise him
When Mourinho was asked in the mid and late 2000s which Premier League manager he would least like to fight, his response was simple: “Big Sam!”
Strength: May be in a bad mood after a loss
Weakness: Everyone is convinced that now
How to beat Jurgen Klopp in a fight: Let him beat your team while you try to play expansive attacking football to keep him happy.
Sadly, Liverpool haven’t won much lately.
Strength: Everyone in Sheffield is tough
Weakness: Definitely calls lunch “dinner” and dinner “tea”
Do you know how tough you have to be to constantly annoy the manager of the Premier League champions when your own team is the worst team ever? Klopp is clearly threatened by the great Chrissy Wilder.
Strength: Pure size
Weakness: Always cry
On a scale from one to Daniel Farke, Hasenhuttl’s voice is not this little intimidating. But it’s enough to cost him a few points at the top.
Strength: In large quantities
Sean Dyche doesn’t care about the Grand Canyon – the only rock formation he’s interested in is 4-4-f ****** – 2.
Once he leaves Burnley, he will take on the role of the Queen’s bodyguard. It’s a 90 mins exclusive for free.
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