Definitive ranking of the European power of 90min 2020/21
After a week in which:
– Christian Eriksen has proven that he is always good enough with a winning goal in derby.
– Liverpool proved they are still good enough with a full win over Tottenham
– Joshua Kimmich has proven he is still the best footballer in the world with an assists hat trick.
At DEPR HQ, we decided to go back to 1999 to find movie quotes with which to rank some European football teams. So, uh, yeah, let’s go.
“What happens when a man goes through his own portal?” (Being John Malkovich)
What happens when a football team ostracizes and then sells its best player?
Well, they’re improving – obviously.
Atalanta are undefeated (in 11 games) since Papu Gomez was sent off from Bergamo and has scored 28 utterly ridiculous goals in those games.
“What is this, Marcie?” (Magnolia)
So we know what you are thinking, you think: ‘what is this? Why on earth is Sporting CP still in the final ranking of European power?
We’ll tell you why: they are still unbeaten in Liga NOS.
“The first rule of Fight Club is: you don’t talk about Fight Club. The second rule of Fight Club is: You don’t talk about Fight Club. Third rule of Fight Club: someone shouts stop, goes limp, slaps, the fight is over. Fourth rule: only two guys per fight. Fifth rule: one fight at a time, guys. Sixth rule: no shirts, no shoes. Seventh rule: the fights will continue as long as they have to. And the eighth and final rule: if it’s your first night at Fight Club, you have to fight. ”(Fight club)
The first rule of Liverpool football club is this: you don’t sign a center-back. The second rule of Liverpool football club is this: you don’t sign a center-back. The third rule of Liverpool football club is this: Although you haven’t signed a center-back, you still hit Tottenham. Fourth rule: trust Roberto Firmino. Rule Five: Trust Trent Alexander-Arnold. Sixth rule: Thiago Alcantara can never be booked. Seventh rule: let the first three do their job. And the eighth and final rule: #ItMeansMore.
“There’s a bunch of birds in the sky, and deer just passed by. Oh, the snow is pure and white, on the rich and brown earth! Just another Sunday morning in my peaceful mountain town. ” (South Park: bigger, longer and uncut)
The past few weekends have been pretty good in Mönchengladbach, as the townspeople have watched their beloved football team beat Bayern Munich and Borussia Dortmund. Pretty.
“Shit hit with the fan… with.” (10 things I hate about you)
Jamie Vardy is injured for the next few weeks… Kelechi Iheanacho is the club’s only fit center forward…
The shit really hit the fan… with Leicester City at the worst possible time.
“They are armed.
“What was that? Armed? What do you mean armed? Armed with what? ”
“Uh, bad breath, colorful language, feather duster… what do you think they’re going to be armed with? Guns, chickadee! ” (Lock, reserve and two smoking barrels)
I mean, look at this front line.
Angel Di Maria, Kylian Mbappe, Neymar and Mauro Icardi.
PSG are armed with serious offensive talent, and after making a huge (sorry Chelsea fans) on their bench with Mauricio Pochettino replacing Ligue 1 club Thomas Tuchel * whisper it * could be the team to beat in the Champions League.
“I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me. But it’s hard to stay crazy when there is so much beauty in the world. (American Beauty)
Guess Lazio fans might be pretty pissed off about their Coppa Italia loss to Atalanta. But it’s hard to stay angry when their side have beaten AS Roma and are currently on a four-game winning streak in Serie A.
“It’s a deal, it’s a good deal. It’s the sale of the fucking century. In fact, fucking king, Nick, I think I’m going to keep him. ” (Lock, reserve and two smoking barrels)
Although she has hardly any money (as all the money is given to Cristiano Ronaldo), and although she has not addressed the issue of the club’s central midfielder, Juventus have made some pretty nifty movements during the summer.
The main one is the signing of the loan from Federico Chiesa, who seems to have finally made the leap that calcio aficionados have been predicting for a long, long, long time.
“Don’t let anyone make you feel like you don’t deserve what you want.” (10 things I hate about you)
David Moyes has been the weight of several memes over the years – one angry Mancunian shouting “you have the job on a technical point! ”, Moyes speaking Spanglish, etc.
However, being a meme doesn’t make you a bad manager. It makes you a meme for a while.
The truth is, Moyes is still one of the best managers in the Premier League and he deserves the success he’s currently enjoying at West Ham.
“I’m proud of you, cowboy.” (Toy story 2)
2020/21 Ranger League Form:
Goals scored: 66.
Goals conceded: seven.
Difference in objectives: 59.
Liverpool fans must be proud of Steven Gerrard.
“It could be worse. A woman might cut your penis while you sleep and throw it out the window of a moving car. ” (Fight club)
Look, we know Sheffield United’s loss was disappointing, but it could be worse.
Man Utd could have lost to Sheffield United and Liverpool, or even been in the football purgatory they were in two years ago, so, you know, it’s not that bad. Things are always improving.
“Excuse me, I believe you have my stapler.” (Office space)
Manchester City have their ‘Excuse me, I think you have my stapler’ season.
And by that we mean that after Liverpool borrowed the big Barclays trophy (not the stapler) from them for a few months, Man City decided to get it back.
“I’m just a regular guy with nothing to lose.” (American Beauty)
When Christian Eriksen stepped in to take a 97th-minute free kick in the Derby della Madonnina midweek, he had absolutely nothing to lose and everything to gain.
No one expected him to score. He’s been, to put it bluntly, shit for Inter throughout the past year, and he hasn’t scored a free kick since. * check the notes * the dawn of time.
So without waiting and with nothing to lose, Eriksen managed to hit the ball without any pressure. And that lack of pressure proved vital, as he managed to get the ball over the wall and into the top corner to win the Inter derby.
Even ordinary footballers can achieve something extraordinary from time to time.
“I’m Jack’s lack of surprise. (Fight club)
Are we shocked that Joshua Kimmich scored three goals in one game this weekend?
No of course not.
As we have been saying for six or seven months, Kimmich is the best footballer in the world and nothing exceptional that he does should surprise anyone.
“That’s what a leader is, sacrifice. The times when he has to sacrifice himself because he has to set an example. Not out of fear and not out of pity. ” (Any Sunday)
Luis Suarez has set an example at Atletico Madrid this season, leading the La Liga scorecard and proving to Barcelona that they are incredibly stupid to let him go this summer.